letsdeadaland | Wouldn't you like to use more than words?

Wouldn't you like to use more than words?

The last thing you recall is likely your own death. Whether it was fast or slow, it's over now. And you're... where are you?

One moment, you were among the living. The next - you may be one of the unfortunate ones who actually died. In which case, you've found yourself flowing in the lazy rivers of the river Styx, unfathomably deep underground. Just for a moment, mind you. It's not long before your consciousness is yanked from the waters by some scary monsters, shoved into a healed body, and pushed through a portal.

Or, maybe you were caught red-handed and sentenced to your doom. But, instead of a proper death, you were whisked down into the Veins of Tartarus. And there's really only one place that could lead to... Or is it?

You've been tossed down here by the will of the Titan, but what you find is A helping hand swooping you up - possibly literally, and potentially out of the grasp of the Titan himself.

Not a moment after, you're whisked through another rift, this one a shimmering gold. Into a realm of slightly more stable platforms and a lot more shit to look through. The area is practically littered with the ill-gotten goods of a thieving God (who is happy to note via pop-up illusion that you are touching his stuff). Here, however, you are safe; assured that Typhon cannot find or hurt you here.

For the moment, you can breathe before the next part comes.

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I know it would not be okay!! But what else would you have had me do?!

[ A split-second decision that changed everything. When it's you or her, and there's nothing else— ]

I don't know! But not leave her!

[ That smile that shined on her face. Like a sunlit path. A second chance. ]

Did you tell her? Did you let her know, or did she just- find out from seein' your fucking corpse?!

...I almost did. Many times. But you know she would have stopped me.

[ Alex doesn't punch Ferdinand again. But he does shove him. ]

You're a fucking coward. You didn't even give her a- a choice- she woulda rather had you! Don't you get that?!

For another week? Two? Less if the motive continued. So we could play the dream out a bit longer? Saints, if only... I would have played it forever if I could.

[Finally his soldier's stoicism breaks, and tears start falling]

But that would have been selfish.

[ Alex grabs at his armor. It's not to push him or hit him or anything like that anymore. It's like a stupid, awkward waltz, how he tries to hold Ferdinand still. ]

What the fuck's wrong with bein' a little selfish? You really think dyin' for her's better?

If it keeps her alive, yes! Of course!

But what about her when you're gone?

When you're the thing that s- sets her on that path again- that gives her that second chance- what the fuck do you think's gonna happen to her?

She'll find a new light. S-she's so clever. She does not need me to be happy... just a chance to start over. I am not... the important part of that. Not really.

You were her chance, you fucking idiot!

[ In a hospital room. Hands wrapped in so much gauze, so many bandages, he can't feel it, but she has her trembling calloused fingers on them, when they aren't on his face, turning his eyes so he's looking right into hers, so she can say— ]

It doesn't mean shit if you're not there!

[ Okay Omega has to say something here-okay nope he’s marching right up to Alex, bumping him with his broad, titanium chest. ]

DO NOT SPEAK OF VELVET AS IF SHE IS SOME FRAGILE, EPHEMERAL THING. I GAVE HER EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO STRIKE ME DOWN. SHE DID NOT TAKE IT. SHE SIMPLY ASKED ME TO PASS ON A MESSAGE.

SHE REMAINS ON THAT “SUNLIT PATH”. HER LOVE PERSEVERES. IT WILL PROVE STRONGER THAN TYPHON.

[ He then rotates each section of his body around one by one and marches away again. ]

[ Alex...honestly almost forgot Omega was there. Which is bad. But he's so focused on Ferdinand. On the one who had a person who thought the world of him, who did this anyway.

The one he can most see himself in.

So he starts a little, going on defensive before Omega just starts talking. Something puzzled passes across Alex's face. Like what Omega's saying doesn't make sense, because...to him, with the context no one else has, it doesn't.

And it doesn't last long, either. Omega turns to leave, and Alex lets his upper lip curl. ]

...You stupid...

[ Of course he's not saying Velvet's weak or fragile, or anything like that. He just knows, from experience, that when you try to die for a girl you love, she may have other opinions.

And then, he did it anyway. ]

Fucker. Whatever.

[ Because it looks like Ferdinand is finally...getting it. ]

[ have you ever seen a man lose his mind in real time, Alex?

Because the conviction of what he was doing was all that kept the fragile dead thing that was once Ferdinand von Aegir together. Once his nobility and honor was stripped by the war and the trials he had carefully built something new with this delusion of love and sacrifice.

Knowing now it came to nothing. Less than nothing even- the cruelty of his actions surges to fill the cracks and expand them like ice in stone. Not just to Velvet, but to Quark who he saddled with an impossible request. And Omega. Oh goddess, Omega.

The only thing he has been loyal to was his own misguided martyr complex! And having it shoved under his nose makes every thing collapse. A horrid groan escapes him, his eyes rolling a bit like a panicked horses.]

I...

[ There it is. Like a missing puzzle piece snapped into place.

Is it...cruel, to do this to him? To make him understand, realize just what he's done to her? To shake his self-sacrifice in his face like a misbehaving puppy? Yes. It definitely is.

But Alex thinks if he has to wander through this limbo with Ferdinand believing his actions justified, he would do a lot worse than punch him a few times. Ferdinand would be worse for it, this mockery of understanding the precious thing Velvet gave him.

Still. The moment Ferdinand starts to wobble or show signs of weakness, Alex moves to brace him. ]

Whoa. Whoa. Sit down, you dumbass. Come on.

[ its a good thing he does because for a moment it looks like he might fuckin swoon. Weeks-

(More like five years)

-of guilt and stress crash into him all at once. He allows Alex to get him sitting before his head is between his knees in a foul sounding retch. If he was revived with anything in his belly it would have been acid and old blood and stale tea and rancid sweet horse grain. Thankfully his body is as clean as can be, so it's just spit and mucus]

[ Alex wrinkles his nose but, dutifully, he's gone down to his knees with Ferdinand and starts gently patting his back—though, that may only be on his armor. If he pretends hard enough, maybe he can be 16 again, alternating between laughing at and taking care of Tod after he sneaked into his dad's liquor cabinet, buzzed out of his mind, dude you're such a lightweight—

But that is not this.

No matter how much he finds himself drowning in guilt and pushing what's only been directed inward out, he can't turn away from this. Not when he lead Ferdinand to it himself. ]

It's okay. Get it out.

...Sorry. But...I had to be sure you got it.

[ after a bit of this and gagging sobs, Ferdinand finally looks up through the curtain of his hair.]

You are a bastard, Alex.

[ Alex meets his gaze without flinching. ]

Yeah. I am.

...

[he wants to curse him more, and it's clear in his heated gaze. How dare he. How dare. But the fire is cut by his body shaking with grief and guilt and horror, eyes drenched with it. His pride, that last thing he had left to him, smashed under this man's foot so easily. Fragile, stupid thing that it always was.

Is it really Alex he wants to curse? He knows the truth of it]

So there's nothing left then.

[ To that, Alex lets out an annoyed huff. He leans back on his hands. ]

Wrong again. Look around, man. Despite every goddamn thing that's happened, we're up and breathing and not in that fucker's gross little pocket anymore.

[ ... ]

You fucked up. But you're in the very unique position of that...not just being the end.

But surely she will not forgive me. And even if she did-

[because he knows his Velvet is just as mad as he is. Even if she doesn't forgive him he certainly is not escaping her]

-Quark and the others very much will not.

Edited 2025-08-17 19:57 (UTC)

Oh, yeah, you definitely screwed the pooch there.

But does that mean you're gonna stop trying to do what you can for them?

I-

[he closes his mouth, brow furrowed like he's actually thinking before he speaks for once.]

Well... no, of course not.

[But doing something without hope for approval or acceptance feels very odd to him. Of course he doesn't NEED such things. His love is for it's own sake. But he reaches for the ache he's been fighting to fill for his entire life and finds the edges oddly... numb. Not painless, but less so. Like scar tissue.

When had that healed? Did he not even notice, over the weeks?]

So, there's not nothing. They may be fucking pissed at you, rightfully at that, but...there's not nothing.

[ Alex...isn't looking at Ferdinand anymore. He's staring at the lack of a ceiling, into this new void. ]

Shit almost went really sideways here, before you showed up. Typhon got hungry and...our new friend had to pull some big bullshit to get us...wherever we are now.

I don't have a fucking clue what we're gonna do. But last time I died, that...that was nothing. Just this...empty, cold...blackness. I could barely think, if it wasn't about how much I...

[ ...No. No, that's too vulnerable. Alex inhales sharply. He lazily turns his head to look at Ferdinand. ]

We're still here. As long as we can move, as long as we can think... There's still something we can do. We just have to figure what. Together.

[Ferdinand listens, head tilting up to stare at the nothing above them too. Alex's words echo familiarity. And when he answers he is clearly quoting:]

'Once, there was a maiden...
... who lived in a tomb, and the tomb was made in her image.
Because she lived in a tomb, she became like the dead,
She slept, and dreamed,
And sometimes woke, and walked within the confines of her tomb.
"Why do you move?" her own ghost asked. "Why walk at all?"
"I am not trapped while yet I run," said she.'

...Velvet told me that poem. Before.

[Because of course he memorized it. She told him the scriptures were in the library. Of course he read them. Because it's him]

Edited 2025-08-17 21:01 (UTC)

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cw: emoto

cw: emoto, mentions of underage drinking

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